Agony

I’m sorry for the lack of updates. It has been only a while yet it feels so long. This never-ending torture called life. I’m still trying to catch a breath under these piling journals and lab practical. Life cannot be any less dramatic. Sometimes I feel like screaming and crying out loud (plus banging), just like my neighbor who torments me mentally by doing so almost everyday. I’m sort of affected, got woken up a couple of times at 8 am (when I have to wake up at 8.40 am for my 9.30 am class. Annoying, no?). I’m not complaining, overall she’s nice to me. One day she asked, Vivian, do you think my life will turn out fine? That drained my brain juice, her issues with parents and a cheating boyfriend. Life.

Aside from that, the issue with my landlords- the priest and the lady chaplain is yet another pain in the ass. We just realized our parents cannot stay here when they come for our graduation (Why? Because he doesn’t like it; just like that). He doesn’t care whether your parents are from outside of Britain, that the folks know no shits bout here or whether they are fluent in English or not. What else can be done? He just doesn’t like our parents here. Speaking of which, I read a psychology site and it says this is probably guilt talking. To summarize the lengthy story, he cheated Melanie’s (Malaysian friend) £100 deposit. Since then, he never stopped picking bones from an egg (Chinese proverb). I’ve always asked God Why? Why among all places you put me in a chaplaincy to learn hypocrisy and racism? And then I realized, it is His way of teaching me how to be graceful, even to those whose knowledge in bible is 10 folds of mine, to those who frequent the holy place as much as I frequent the kitchen for food. He has His way; I just need to keep having faith. Mel’s right, never lose your ground and your beliefs.

And then there's bits of here and chunks of there. I'm sinking into depression. :(

The weather’s been crazy. I went for a jog the other day when it was 10 ˚C. It was lovely. No worries no nothings. The only thing I could feel was my pounding heart, nothing else. I felt so much alive.

On the other note, if a relationship started with hurting others, your relationship will never last. NEVER.